To be honest, the main reason I am taking this course is
because it is online. ( : I live
in Alamogordo and the opportunity to forego the drive couldn't be passed up.
Additionally, I am a mother of six
children, three of them girls. Their ages range from 21 to 7. The girls are 21,
15, and almost 12. Much of my
parenting has been sheltering my children from what I deem negative influences
in the media and other sources. (Yes, it is a subjective call.) Hmmm, maybe negative isn't the correct
term; how about unrealistic stereotypes that don't lead to fulfillment or
happiness? ( : Of course I have
made mistakes. My oldest daughter accused me of keeping her from popular
culture as she was growing up. I'm
still not sure that's a bad thing at a certain age.
Anyway, as a child I remember fighting against the idea of
what it meant to be a girl in my time and culture, so I appreciate the term
"resisting girlhood" that Dr. Almjeld uses. I still find myself confronting others' expectations of what
my role should be as an adult woman.
While I am lacking in girlhood theory and terminology, I believe I have
significant primary and secondary experience in watching girlhood. I compare my parenting to Jane Goodall
and her chimps. ( : She has become an expert through her
years of observation in the jungle; hopefully, my years in the jungle will provide me with some
understanding and insight into girlhood. (Yes, it is a scary and dangerous
jungle raising girls.)
I wonder where the cut-off line is between girlhood and womanhood?
It can't be sexuality. Little girls are sexualized all the time and the fashion
of baby-doll dresses for young adults carries girlhood into their sexuality. Is
there a theory or definition that clarifies this?
I'm hoping to participate in the technology camp for this
course. I'm not a strong techie
myself, but I believe in empowering girls in technology. (I have a girlhood
story related to this back in the days computers were invented, but I'll let it
go.) I look forward to meeting all of you!
Colleen Bond
Hi Colleen,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your first post! Wow--great analogy between the Jane Goodall story and raising girls--I'm sure my mom would use the same kind of description when it comes to my sister (20) and me (21!) ha!
It's interesting that you bring up the sheltering from unrealistic stereoptypes point, as I have been a recipient of this ideology growing up (and I feel more empowered by it--even when growing up I felt 'slighted')-- ie my mom had rules that I couldn't paint my nails until a certain age, acrylics were forbidden, tank tops were a 'no-no' until middle school, etc. etc. While my mother's parenting was more focused on the exterior part of girlhood in 'nixing' things, I was also encouraged to read Little Women, Nancy Drew series, and American Girl books to find positive female protagonists that were 'feminine' (I'm by no means a tomboy, and would have resisted a book that was too far the other way with a girl resisting girlhood completely) but, after judging my own experience with books and protagonists that I admired growing up, I feel that a lot of books now for children are lacking a multi-dimensional character (Bella, anyone?).
I was wondering (if not too personal a question) what kind of things you shielded from your children while they were growing up?
Great to "meet" you!
-Christine Peterson
Christine,
DeleteI'll be honest again and say that I'm quite conservative by most people's standards. I try to keep similar standards for all my children, the boys as well as the girls. To me, culture is fixated on sex and the body (voyeurism) and excessive violence. My desires for my children are for them to be tuned in to the life of the mind and the spirit. In pursuit of this, I limit television and video games especially PG-13 and above.
Our reading list sounds a lot like your mother's. Throw in some Narnia and Redwall. My daughters are really onto mysteries too; although, it's not a trait I share.
My religion has a modesty component, so tank-tops are always a no-no. No cleavage or shoulders in view either. The boys always wear shirts.
Thanks for your statement about feeling empowered. I hope you have shared it with your mother. ( : Please feel free to ask any personal questions you like.
Colleen
Hi Colleen!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your honesty about the main reason for taking this course. Courses being on-line really do have benefits! Your Jane Goodall comment did make me smirk, but the comment about little girls being sexualized - made me cringe. Don't get me wrong, I totally agree with you. It just hits further pushes me to keep my little girl a four year old.
I had the same question Christine had Colleen, did you not let them listen to certain music or see certain movies? Was your barometer just based on a case by case basis? Just a judgement call. Or was it like, "If the movie is rated R, it's out. If the CD has a Parental Advisory sticker, it's out. I remember I got Guns and Roses Use Your Illusion I and II when I was about 11. They had those stickers and I went to my parents and told them. These songs have some inappropriate language on them. I know not to adopt such language now. Some of these songs as far as craft of songwriting goes are really something. I feel like I'm responsible enough to enjoy these records without bringing our family any shame. I will continue to behave in the way you have become accustomed in spite of any negative lyrics. They pretty much left me and music choice alone after that.
ReplyDeleteI have older children living at home who are allowed more discretion in their choices, but I still have a seven, nine and eleven year old who I monitor.
DeleteThe standards I apply to my children are the same standards I live by, so there is no double-standard or the idea that some things are appropriate at a certain age.
If excessive violence and sex isn't good for children, why would it be good for adults? Yes, they have a right to do it, but does that add to their happiness and fulfillment? I think it is desensitizing and then requires greater and greater stimulus.
I realize this is a minority position, but it is one I have tested. My children also have the opportunity as young adults to test their beliefs.
Hi Colleen!
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you. I am glad you will be able to give insight from a mother’s perspective.
It’s interesting that you talk about shielding your kids. I remember when I was twelve or so I discovered the play (and later film) A Streetcar Named Desire. I remember my mother was horrified! Looking back on it, maybe I was a bit young., and although I can see her point, I don’t think reading the play at that age affected me adversely. Maybe it’s because I have always approached works of literature with a certain degree of detachment … ?
If I had kids, I am not sure how I would draw the line on these things. (Although I don’t want to be a mother, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about my hypothetical children and how I would raise them, haha.)
I look forward to our future discussions!
Hayley
The ironic thing is that I don't shield my children as much as my mother shielded me!
DeleteHi Colleen,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your reason for taking this course. I think your first-hand experiences as a mother of little girls will enrich our discussions and provide insight into the daily struggles of teen girls' attempts to identify with various cultural forms of “femininity”. In a way—I would think—that raising girls is somewhat like going through all the stages of “girlhood” all over again. I can image that it’s difficult to know where to draw the line between popular culture and your children. As adults we are perhaps somewhat more critical and skeptical of the influence of various cultural artifacts especially ones we have come to know as harmful. But children are generally more impressionable, and it’s hard to say when a child is actually an “adult”. I think the best you can hope for is to discuss with your girls how “womanhood” and “girlhood” is sexualized in popular culture representations (in both overt and covert ways) so they may better understand the ideologies and power relationships at work within constructions of “gender.” This way they will develop a critical consciousness surrounding identity, and identify with cultural forms that really speak to them on a visceral level—instead of an ideological level that may encompass a “postfeminist” neoliberal idealism (Gill). I found our Chapter 8 reading this week on “Postfeminist Media Culture” particularly helpful and engaging. I think you will too!
Nice “chatting” with you!
Robyn
Colleen,
ReplyDeleteYour comments are very interesting. I come from a family of four girls and one boy, and even though my brother was the oldest, we were the ones calling the shots at hour household. My father –a conservative Mexican lawyer— instilled self-sufficiency in all of us because he didn’t want his girls to depend 100% on a husband when older (which was the Mexican way back then). Now I have a girl of my own, she is twelve going on thirteen, and she is just as “ungirly” as my sisters and I were. It is difficult to raise girls, one has to make unfair decisions at times because of what is expected from a girl in our society. Sometimes I think I should have instilled a bit more “girlhood” on my daughter, but only because society expects that from her, and I don’t want her to feel an outcast (which sometimes she does).
Nora
I wonder what girlhood really is. Isn't it as individual as every girl? I could balk against defining it. ( :
DeleteI love your question about when girlhood ends, Colleen (and your comparison of your girls to the gorillas in the midst - made me smile). I think you are totally right that girls are sexualized very early on, and yet there is a sort of cultural panic about girls and sex. I mean when is it OK to start thinking of young women as sexual beings - 16, 18, 21? It's a strange sort of double-edged sword that seems to want to exploit feminine sexuality and also seems to fear it.
ReplyDeleteI started reading 50 Shades of Grey (anyone else read it) and honestly I had to stop. No judgement about the content - adults can do what they want - but what made me crazy was the book's seeming investment in reverting a woman (albeit a young woman of 22 or so) to a child. It seems often there is a strong -- and a little creepy in my mind -- correlation between youthful, submissive femininity and sexuality.
Colleen,
ReplyDeleteWe absolutely are living and trying to raise ourselves and our children in a jungle. There are so many factors involved in how we are formed and form ourselves, internal and external elements informing every move. It is great to see you are making conscious decisions and trying to critically view the influences in your children's lives.
Jen: do you read Jezebel.com? she has an interesting article about 50 shades
http://jezebel.com/5902258/fifty-shades-of-greys-success-has-nothing-to-do-with-repressed-feminist-fantasies