Both articles on quilting concerned
one of the most crucial elements of girlhood: the relationship between mother
and daughter. In particular, Liz Rohan’s
piece offers a beautiful description of a mother-daughter relationship. She writes, “[In] the eighteenth and
nineteenth century, ‘normal relationships between mother and daughter was one
of sympathy and understanding.’ In fact, Smith-Rosenberg asserts, ‘An intimate
mother-daughter relationship lay at the heart of the female world.’”
Although quilt-making became passé
in the twentieth century, the sentiment of transferring knowledge inter-generationally
is timeless and essential to girlhood.
While women today are not relegated to domestic duties to the extent of
their nineteenth century forerunners, domesticity remains a woman’s domain and
related information is still handed from mother to daughter. Beyond household
chores, mothers teach their daughters how to be girls – and later, how to be
women. They transfer this information by
both example and instruction. Many
times, it is multi-generational, and involves the sharing of things such as
recipes or holiday traditions. Another
example might be music, illustrated so poignantly in Dvorak’s piece, “Songs My
Mother Taught Me”.
The mother-daughter relationship
is probably the most intimate part of a female’s girlhood experience. While other aspects of girlhood are dictated largely
by societal expectations, media, and peers, and thus share a certain
uniformity, a girl’s relationship with her mother is unique and highly
personal. Even among the same family,
women often comment that they had a “different” mother than their siblings. Maybe even more than they realize, mothers
influence their daughters’ perceptions of themselves; I believe I have read
reports of studies showing mothers who frequently diet “teach” their daughters
to dislike their own bodies.
In addition, there seems to
be an idealization of the mother-daughter relationship that has almost raised
it to mythical status. I am not sure if
this happened at a greater or lesser degree in the nineteenth century, but
Rohan asserts that during that time “the boundaries between a mother and
daughter were indistinguishable.” Based on
factors such as isolation and lack of non-domestic life-choices for women of
the time, mothers and daughters were by necessity more dependent on each other
than today’s women, but this does not seem to have affected the intimacy of the
relationship – then or now.
I believe, if asked to
comment on the most important aspects of their girlhood, most women would
mention their mother as a central – and perhaps the most important – player in
their transition from girl to woman.
I felt this way as well after delving into the readings. The child-parent relationship is so important!Frankly, it determines what type of person that child will be. It does this more than any other interaction the child may experience during this time. I was getting this in my own post but you articulated it much more eloquently. Thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteMothers do influence daughters perceptions of themselves. Also, as with the quilting subject, a mother's activities become focal points in shaping a daughter's identity.
ReplyDeleteGirlhood can also be heavily influenced by other female family members such as a grandmother, aunt, or an older sister. In this time of economical turmoil and the necessity for multiple generations to reside in one home, girls now have the benefit of input from a multigenerational female family members therefore allowing for cutural enrichment.
ReplyDeleteMy mother was terminally ill when I was 10 and died when I was twelve. Subsequently, I had to look to other female role models. I really feel that I consciously took a trait from one person and another trait from another person. If I had a question I watched or asked someone. While I felt a huge void growing up, the concern I have now is that I didn't learn how to have a mother/daughter relationship.
ReplyDeleteI also think that some pioneering families, like today, were very far geographically from their family/mothers. I see my children and think they will grow up and scatter to where the opportunities are. The challenge will be keeping the family relationship and memories intact through space and time.
Ahh Colleen-you hit on such a sentimental note and I keep going back and forth with each post I read. "The challenge will be keeping the family relationship and memories intact through space and time." And your story makes me think of 'quilting' as a metaphor for what you have done to keep or reestablish memories of your mother. "I consciously took a trait from one person...." You have 'quilted' a memory or memories, one trait at a time.
ReplyDeleteYour focus on the figure of mother in girlhood - and as it relates to female production is wonderful. It's interesting how key "mother" is as a figure and yet how fraught that relationship can be for some girls (I guess it's a little fraught for all of us). How does that change a girl's identity if her mother is absent or not the norm?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I love the way you are thinking about how women's crafts are passed down through the generations. (I tried to get my gram to teach me to crochet but she said I should just buy a book - that's how she learned). Do "male" activities and skills get passed down this way too? Is there something uniquely feminine in mentoring approaches to women's artistic production?